Kanaya was seriously making it sound like... well... like she was attacking people. In a bad way. Like a real vampire would. But clearly Kanaya was still Kanaya, not some crazed monster. Karkat took a deep breath, and frowned at his computer in thought. Kanaya hadn't actually said that she had attacked anyone. Just that she'd felt the urge to. It was still frightening but they could figure this out. Whatever was going on.


CG: WAIT A MINUTE SO
CG: I REMEMBER YOU SAYING THAT YOU'RE BASICALLY A VAMPIRE.
CG: AND I HAVE CONSUMED ENOUGH VAMPIRE ROMANCE MEDIA TO KNOW THAT THIS MAY CONSTITUTE SOME FORM OF BLOOD LUST.
CG: WHICH IN REAL LIFE COMES OFF AS LESS SEXY AND ROMANTIC AND MORE CREEPY AS FUCK.
CG: BUT IT IS NORMAL.
CG: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY, VAMPIRES EXISTING *AT ALL* IS NOT NORMAL.
CG: YOU GET WHAT I MEAN THOUGH.
CG: YOU CAN PROBABLY JUST ROB A BLOOD BANK OR SOMETHING.
CG: WAIT FUCK DO YOU NEED BLOOD TO SURVIVE NOW?
CG: HOW OFTEN ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?


If someone had told Karkat that one day he would be legitimately trying to figure out how best to deal with having a vampire as a friend, Karkat would have laughed in their face. With all of the insane magical things going on, this somehow felt the most surreal. It was trashy fiction come to life.