Already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it -- closed to Dave

[coltblooded]

Dirk returned home after his truly disastrous double date, covered in ketchup and pieces of crab, and nursing his injured pride. He kicked his shoes off as he came in the front door and ditched his tie and jacket on the way into the living room. He was a mess, but he didn't bother to change before he climbed over the back of the couch and draped himself over Dave's lap. He lay on his stomach with his face pressed into the arm of the couch, not caring that he was probably interrupting whatever game his brother was playing.

"I'm never leaving the house again." He declared, his voice muffled by the cushions.

If Eridan had just straight out hated Dirk, he could deal with that. Hate was easy. But pity? He wasn't okay with that. And that's what had motivated Eridan to show him how to eat his lobster, he was sure. Because why else would the jerk help him?

Dirk grumbled to himself, mostly cursing under his breath, and yanked his shades off his face. He tossed them off the couch, not caring where they landed.

He couldn't believe he was officially so pathetic that even Eridan felt bad for him. And he was even more annoyed that it bothered him at all. Why should he care what anyone else thought of him? It wasn't like he liked Eridan or anything.

"Dave." He continued, still mostly inaudible. "I'm becoming a hermit."